A modest request from a Gould teacher

May 17, 2011

OVERHEARD AT THE DRESS REHEARSAL: “Mr. Alford, our costume change is crazy fast!  You should film us changing!  No, wait, that’s a really bad idea.  Never mind…

We are in the final throes of this 2010-11 school year, and everything is coming to a razor-sharp, pointy-looking 2 weeks that end with graduation.  I figured that with everything closing in, and time compressing as it does (my watch actually contracted yesterday), I needed something to really clear some space in my life- something that would give me both peace of mind and some free time.  Ladies and gentlemen, here is my big idea, which is mine:

I want a puppy.

Stop laughing, I’m serious.  I know what you are thinking:  Doug, Mr. Alford, Jefe, puppies are NOT time-saving devices.  They are cute, furry, drooly, loving little balls of fur, but they are NEEDY cute, furry, drooly, lovign little balls of fur.  But they ARE good for stress.  Case in point: Have you ever watched a puppy chase the dot made by a laser pointer?  They can do that for HOURS.  And clean-up under the table after dinner?  No more!

I have a few requirements in my future puppy-to-be, of course.  Not any old pooch will do.  I need a dog with style, I need a dog with class and personality.  I need a dog that fits my particular lifestyle.  No, your average Shepherd or Beagle will just not do.  Basically, I have two requirements:

1.  My dog must weight at least 75 pounds by adulthood.  95 would be even better.

2. My dog cannot be, or even THINK, that it is smarter than me.

I need a puppy that will love me unconditionally, and obey me without delay.  My current dog usually responds to my commands with a “why?” face.  I don’t need another of those faces.

So, Glog community- Do you know of a big, loyal, dumber-than-me puppy who is looking for a home?

Let the emails begin…


2 Responses

  1. TKimball TKimball says:

    The family in North Anson, ME where we got Stokely has the puppy sign out again. Great line. Stoke plays in the 70-80lb range depending on the season and he’s a lab. No chance of him being smarter than you. 🙂

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